Even Poor People Go To The Opera
Highlights: BoringNate and LongLostVanessa have the most boring relationship ever; SluttySerena and DownerDan have the most repetitive relationship ever; getting all rapey is hereditary; Blair needs Yale; RockinRufus will not shut up about his magic skin flute
ServantLady, GayDaddy, and Gay Daddy’s Boyfriend greet Blair in the hall and wear Yale sweaters. They present her with a dog that’s the mascot for Yale. They then sit on either side of her at breakfast and ask if Chuck will be accompanying them to the opera later on. B says C’s dead to her.
DownerDan brings SluttySerena some breakfast at her place even though she can afford it better than he can. He’s being supportive on Yale Day. They’re all finding out if they’ve gotten in. Then they bring up their shared half-brother. DD hopes they can reinvent themselves at Yale, as in tell NO ONE they share a brother.
RockinRufus and JudgyLily come downstairs. Oh, there’s got to be a morning after. JL tries to believe that it’s not at all awkward to have them both come down to see their children there. SS and DD leave, all grossed out. JL brings up opera plans for later and RR thinks they should get more than four hours of sleep. (So what did they do last night for the other three hours and 55 minutes? Ba-dum-dum. Too easy.) She wants to take him out in public no matter what anyone else thinks. They start mackin it and SuicidalEric catches them this time and tells them to get a room. I guess they’re over the heartache of the dead love child.
Chuck is trying to order underage girls for CreepyUncle to sleep with so he can get in trouble. He tells CU he’s doing a bad job in the company. CU is going to the opera later and thinks C should go with him to prove that there’s no love lost between them. I think it would prove that there’s no love between them considering how C scowls at him.
SS’s teacher looks younger than SS. SS and DD hold the door open for her as she babbles about Teach For America and how she’s never been to New York before. So there’s a new teacher in the middle of the year. What the? When DD says he’s from Brooklyn and she should check it out, she replies, The place across the bridge? and I automatically love her.
Outside of school, B is making the Chickadees check Yale’s acceptance over and over. She tells NelliYuki that Yale won’t accept someone with SAT scores of 2360.
DD and BN are together again. Ah, young love. They stroll the halls together under the guise of having to discuss what BN can give LLV. BN doesn’t get DD’s reference to A Clockwork Orange. Then, and I shit you not, DD gets a text, opens his mouth wide, and grabs BN’s shoulder. Meanwhile, BN’s eyes dart all over the place. Young love can be awkward.
C arrives at JL’s as she picks out a dress. He wants her to help him with “something.”
The Chickadees in the courtyard keep refreshing their browsers. Finally, it comes up that SS got into Yale and B got waitlisted. B can’t read the screen because it’s too small. DD runs in to rejoice at getting in to Yale (of course he did—tool!). SS says she didn’t get in, which is a lie, and says she’s been waitlisted like B. Because she doesn’t let her light shine. DD says that she’ll get in. B wants to see Head Mistress Quigley right away.
Over at JL’s, C says that CU is ruining everything. She wants C to move back in with the family and she doesn’t like shenanigans. She tells him he needs the board on his side and her part of the company should mean something. He’s not so sure it does.
B yells at HMQ that DD got in to Yale while she didn’t because he’s a cafeteria lady and she’s not. HMQ assures B that waitlisted students usually get in and she needs to rise to the occasion.
SS’s ChildTeacher congratulates SS on getting in to Yale. SS doesn’t want people to know. CT asks if SS wants to go to Yale and SS says she’s unsure. CT tells her not to accept for the wrong reasons. B meets them and is on the hunt for the girl who got into Yale. SS doesn’t say it’s her. CT asks B where she was when she missed class and hands back her paper. B thinks Yale has class for passing up on SS, which it didn’t. Then she brings up DD’s need for financial aid for no real reason other than to point out to SS that she’s dating a poor man.
SS gets a call from Yale and she needs to call back later.
JL meets with another board member named Peter who says they have little power. CU walks in and calls them minority share holders. She tells him he’s doing a poor job in the company. He says that the board would never put her in charge because of her bad reputation.
B finds ChildTeacher and complains that she got a “B” on her paper. She says that everyone gets A’s so they get into Yale. CT refuses to inflate grades. B storms off to find SS and cry about losing Yale because of the grade CT gave her. SS goes to return the phone call.
JL meets C to get dirty. C tried to buy anthrax and get CU on a sex offender’s list. JL wants to bring him down legally. She thought she lost C and she’s happy he’s there. C ignores this attempt at being a family and wants to crash CU in the Bass plane. JL gets a call from RR about the opera. C can’t believe she’s taking her “half price hustler” out in public only weeks after her husband’s death. He says if she wants to be family, she should show some tact. I completely COMPLETELY agree.
OMG, can’t DD go away for like five minutes? He’s friggin everywhere. He wants SS to go to Yale with him over the weekend. B and the Chickadees overhear and decide that if DD goes to Yale, they have to teach CT how to inflate grades so B can go. SS says that B got into Yale because SS just declined her acceptance. B doesn’t understand why SS would turn it down. SS simply doesn’t want to go. DD storms away, upset that SS won’t be following The Great Tool Downer Dan to Yale because he makes everything about him. B decides to leave CT alone for now since she doesn’t need the grade.
LLV and BN stroll by Central Park. She surprises him with tickets to the opera. This is the most boring stroll by Central Park ever.
At the Poor House, SE tries to teach RR about the opera. KJ calls it ridiculous and points out that JL loves him because he doesn’t know prissy crap like this. Meaning he’s poor and she likes slumming it.
B and the Chickadees play angel versus devil to decide if they will rage against ChildTeacher anyway. B calls CT’s cell to invite her to the opera with her family later on as an apology. CT doesn’t understand how B got her cell number, but B presses on until CT agrees.
RR, JL, SS and DD stand in the opera auditorium, discussing visiting colleges. DD excuses himself again because he’s Mr. Sour Pants. He finds LLV and BN, yet again creating an awkward love triangle.
CU bumps into RR and JL with his assistant/date. JL tells his date that she has bad taste. They say the same to JL. RR is upset that they’re not seeing The Magic Flute because it’s the one he studied even though it’s a kids’ opera. They bump into some guy who wants to know what to do with the documents. JL runs to find C to tell him the perfect solution.
BN is upset that the seats LLV got suck. And old lady with candy sits next to LLV. Someone coughs. BN and LLV laugh.
DD and SS are pouting on a couch. She wants to go to Brown. He wants her to go to Yale because he’s clinging on as long as possible because this is the closest he’ll ever get to being rich. Then they have a conversation that goes like this: Things don’t go in boxes. They go in the ocean. It’s a train ride. It won’t last. Some of that has to do with JL and RR and some of it has to do with I have no idea what.
RR admits to JL that he studied the wrong opera. He can’t exist in her world. JL says it doesn’t matter as long as they exist together in their own world. They mack it as DD and SS appear. DD says something about a box. JL tells them all to go sit while she handles “something.”
B gets a call from HMQ to say that CT called her to say that B would still get an A in the class even though she got a “B” on the paper. B excuses herself from GayDaddy to go fix “something.”
JL and the document guy find C with their documents. It’s adoption papers. She and FatherSlime were adopting each other’s kids and she’d totally forgotten. C then signs some papers because children always have to sign their own adoption papers. This means that JL is his guardian, not CU, and CU now has no control in Bass Industries. CU arrives in time to see all the document signing going down. C sends him back to where he belongs—Australia.
B finds CT on the street. CT is pissed because B sent her to a closed restaurant and gave her the wrong time for the opera. B is trying to make things right because she’s trying not to act out against people any more. CT still won’t go to the opera. She calls HMQ.
LLV and BN are in his private box, away from the ladies. Now they can make out during the boring parts. Man, if I had a guy over, we’d be making out during the LLV and BN parts of this show.
JL goes to the bathroom. CU follows her. She’s not scared of him. He’s high. He grabs her.
RR brags to DD that he talked about The Magic Flute to someone. He says the trick is to pretend you know what you’re saying. That’s pretty much how he parents as well.
C catches on that CU has followed JL into the bathroom. He busts in right about the time CU is trying to rape her. Aww, it must run in the family. C throws CU off of JL and punches CU. RR then rushes in as JL thanks C.
The next day, RR is upset about how his hair looks in the paper because he hasn’t had good hair since ’91. She says his caring about how he looks in the paper makes him fit into her world just fine. She’s okay from what happened last night.
C comes in when RR leaves. She heard CU is going back to Australia. She has faith that C will do wonders with the company when he turns 18. He knows that his dad died by accident. He wants a new beginning.
B is getting ready for breakfast with HMQ. SS reads the catalog from Brown while they’re on the phone. Then SS hangs up to ogle a picture of her and DD kissing while he dips her. Who has a picture like that of themselves? No one!
DD won’t answer the call he gets from SS. CT comes in to the Poor Gallery Cafe because she’s checking out Brooklyn as DD told her to. He makes her a cappuccino.
HMQ gives B detention for what she did to CT. If B successfully completes detention and the rest of the semester, she’ll get into Yale. If not, she can kiss Yale goodbye.
SL waits outside for B with her dog. B storms out and SL detects war. B is going off the radar and plans to win.