Reminiscing About Attempted Date Rape
Highlights: Everyone apologizes to everyone else except for DownerDan because he’s one big tool
We being this week by revisiting RapeyChuckSlime and his attempt at date raping KleptoJenny at the Kiss On The Lips party as part of the previouslies. Really? Really.
Blair gushes to PapCy about BoringNate as PC makes a seder dinner for her and NastyMom. B has to go to BN’s cousin’s rehearsal dinner instead and plans to schmooze to become a socialite. Plus, she’s not going to be a lesbian at NYU.
SluttySerena is back from Spain, having read and eating a lot. Chuck’s synchronized swimmer leaves and tonight he plans to take home a ballerina. He saw Poppy last week and wonders how that’s possible if SS claims Poppy was in Spain.
B and BN make out in front of a church. He got into Columbia without any family help. (Yeay! That means another season of Gossip Girl in NYC). B does not get chosen as a bridesmaid for the wedding. B does not get chosen to be in the socialite group.
At the poor house, KJ does research with a hipster who I guess is her classmate. RockinRufus bemoans how no one wants to buy art but won’t let DownerDan help pay for tuition despite the lack of funds. When RR leaves, KJ tells DD to get a job with the hipster’s mom who does catering.
BoringGrandpa tries to get info from B about BN’s getting into Columbia. He wants B to make BN go to Yale; in return, he’ll get her into the socialite group. B also wants to be a bridesmaid. Ah, how easily she falls back into the realm of seedy business.
SS calls PC because she needs a lawyer. Oh, man, did she go out and not murder someone again? Here comes the clown make up.
Afer show shopping with RR, Jl socolds SS for trashing the apartment, going to Spain, and basically becoming the “Old Serena” that SS really has never changed so much from being. She grounds SS for being herself.
DD gets the job and his fellow server is immediately annoyed by his incessant talking. The event they arrive at is none other than the seder at NastyMom’s house. She insists DD stay when he objects to wanting to serve B, thinking it would be uncomfortable. She throws extra money his way, and because he’s poor as well as pretentious, he stays.
As B and BN get ready for rehearsal dinner, she tries to talk him into going to Yale. He’s having none of this conversation because after tonight, he plans to never speak to his family again and doesn’t want to owe them anything.
SS sort of got married in Spain. Of course, DD overhears SS telling this to PC. When Gabe and Poppycock had a fight in Spain, Poppycock left and SS kept Gabe company. She’s not sure if they got married, but there was definitely eating, dancing, and skinny dipping at a church. Then she said, “si.” DD accuses her of being a wife. He’s insulted because it’s all about him of course.
JL and RR arrive at NM’s after JL invited herself. So DD will be serving them while RR isn’t supposed to know he got a job? Heheheheheeeee. Oh, crap. SS ruins everything. She says that B invited her and she invited DD even though B isn’t even coming. NM tells DD to go get wine and RR thinks she’s being rude but DD says he’ll roll with it. He has to because he’s getting paid.
C comes home with his ballerina. KJ plays Monopoly in the living room with Hipster and is disgusted by C.
At the dinner, BN announces that his grandfather was the one who had Captain Jack investigated and tore apart BN’s family. He tells Trip to watch his back. No one in the background at the party seems even mildly surprised by this revelation.
SS’s husband Gabe shows up at the seder.
[WFT? The Royal Treatment Sweepstakes reveals that ServantLady is a countess.]
Gabe wants to talk to SS. After DD snags her from the table, she lies and says that DD is her boyfriend. Because that’s what DD wants more than anything in the world, he goes along with it. Gabe has never heard SS mention DD, not even once. HAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAA. NM comes into the foyer to ask DD where the lamb bone is and invites Gabe to stay even though she has no idea who he is.
No one pays any attention to PC at seder because they are focused on DD, who has taken Elijah’s seat, and how he and SS are back together. Then some guy asks RR about art.
Meanwhile, C realizes that he’s already done this ballerina and is no longer interested. He goes to the living room to get a drink. KJ tells the Hipster to get in the elevator and she’ll meet him to go for a walk. Then she tells C that he’s lucky she never told RR about the attempted date rape because then RR would make JL choose between C and the Humphrey clan and then C would be left with no human contact since the only other people he had were B and BN who now have each other.
B calls BN wonderful and decides not to try to sway him to go to Yale. Boring Gramps says he turned the Captain in to protect BN and his mom. BN is tired of people lying to him. BGramps plans to tell BN about his plan with B to stop all the lying.
Everyone is still ignoring PC at seder. DD reveals that he’s a waiter. He cares about SS but he’s not her boyfriend.
BN confronts B about the stupid bridesmaid/Yale deal. She says she made the deal but decided not to do it because she’s scared about next year. BN can’t trust her and sends her home.
JL scolds SS about being the “old Serena” again after being so good these past two years (aside from macking it with tools, drinking, murdering). SS got into Brown—JL opened SS’s mail while SS was in Spain. Which is a federal offense.
Gabe has left seder and SS runs to tell him she’s not ready to be married. He says they aren’t married. They almost mack it but then B arrives home in shambles.
BN arrives at C’s but both are too depressed to sleep together. Instead, C tells BN that B is changing—she had her chance to have him and chose BN. All she needs is someone to believe in her. Dammit! That’s why he and B should be together! BN goes to refill C’s drink
JL tells DD he’s a good friend to SS. The guy at dinner has convinced RR to sell his gallery, which means RR will lose the little income he does have during a time when he’s already scraping together hay-pennies to send DD to school.
BN has not gotten C a refill. C finds his glass in the living room, a sign that BN has instead gone off to believe in B. KJ arrives home from her walk. C apologizes for trying to date rape her. He says he’ll move out if KJ officially moves in. As to avoid the temptation to maybe rape her again.
B apologies to PC and asks for forgiveness and for him to pull some strings so she can be a lesbian at NYU after all. He forgives her and agrees to talk to the NYU people. BN appears and is happy they’ll both be in NYC together. They’re both sorry and they mack it.
SS calls Gabe. She leaves a message saying that she’s happy he came back for her and will talk to him tomorrow.
Gabe didn’t answer his phone because he’s with Poppycock, and she wants to know everything.