Highlights: Flashback galore!
The screen says it’s 1983 in Malibu, CA. For some reason, the scene looks like a mixture of the 50s, 60s, and 70s. YoungJudgyLily has been expelled from school.
Well, this is a terrific way to completely kill the momentum and suspense that occured last week, culminating in a message to the Lord about how convert Georgina has reverted back to bitchdom.
Present day, JL arrives at the jail to the piercing eyes of BoringNate, Blair, and Chuck.
At the Poor House, LongLostVanessa, DownerDan, and KleptoJenny eat cheap take-out and decide what’s a cooler thing to do than Prom. RockinRufus thinks they really are interested in all the gossip going on because they are in the Gossip Girl generation. DD pronounces the name of whatever he’s eating with a perfect Chinese accent. I so want to punch the pretentiousness right out of him. RR then tells them about JL locking up SluttySerena.
Flashback—JL was once arrested with a leather-clad boy.
Present day, JL tries to make SS understand why she did what she did. SS would rather give her kids up than raise them the way JL parents—but oh wait, JL did do that, too. SS has called Judgy Granny to bail her out.
Flashback—Andrew McCarthy is playing YJL’s dad! YJL’s mom, CC, told her tad that she got expelled from school. Neither of them wants YJL to live with them and they pull strings to get her back in school. Basically, she’s tragically in love with her father, and it’s kind of uncomfortable. YJL points out that her sister, Carol, ran away to be an actress. Older Andrew McCarthy? Hot!
Present day—Granny returns to JL’s house even though JL does not welcome her there.
SS decides to stay in jail. She talks to B on a pay phone as B gets ready for prom.
ServantLady tells B that her dress was ruined at the dry cleaner. However, a new dress arrived for her—it’s the dress from her Dream Prom Scrapbook. B thinks the dress is from GayDaddy.
BN strolls through the streets with C, listing all the things that have gone wrong in getting ready for the prom from the limo being messed up to the flowers being messed up. BN asks if C is sabotaging his prom. C says, No Nathaniel.
Back at the House of Judgment, JL calls Granny toxic. She thinks Sister Carol was right to cut her out.
Flashback—YJL tries to find SC in a diner and might have to become a prostitute who won’t give blow jobs. The busboy invites her to a gig later where her sister might be and then gives her an outfit to wear. She looks like Madonna from the Borderline video.
Present day, DD calls JL to find out why SS won’t return his calls. JL tells him that SS went back to jail on her own accord.
Flashback—JL finds SC in the club. The two of them go with the busboy and a guy from the band into her Impala out back.
Present day, B and BN get to prom where the Chickadees want them to vote for Prom King and Queen. B reminds them that their school doesn’t do such things but they insist that they have a vote this year. They plan to stuff the ballot box to make NellyYuki win out over B.
DD has gotten SS out of jail. He brings her a prom dress. She changes in the back of a taxi. Talk about slumming it.
Flashback—YJL judges SC’s less-than-glamorous lifestyle. SC doesn’t want anyone to know that they come from money.
Present day, JL goes to the Poor House to talk to RR about her mother. She knows RR was going to propose to her and her unpredictability made him stop. He wants JL to forgive Granny and says JL can still change. He’s not sure, however, where they stand right now, even though it’s been 20 years.
Flashback—House party! Cocaine! Music videos! SC and the guys want to take back their music video from the video maker’s house.
Present day, DD and SS go to prom. OH MY GOD!!!!! Tell me they’re joking. SS is swinging around her dress as if she’s in a Cindy Lauper video. DD is running in place. They call this dancing?
Flashback—YJL gets drunk with leather guy. SC yells at the video maker named Van Der Woodsen (hmm, sounds familiar!) about stealing her video. A brawl breaks out with YJL jumping on top of Van Der Woodsen to save leather guy from a pummeling.
Present day, B flips out at C because she caught him holding a bunch of ballots that are for NelliYuki. She thinks he sabotaged the entire prom for her and BN. However, the Chickadees announce the Queen and it’s Blair. She affirms, “I own Prom.” I. Love. Her. BN wins King. Turns out, C voted for B 150 times and took out the stuffed ballots for NelliYuki. He did destroy B’s original dress and corsage because he too had seen her Dream Prom Scrapbook and wanted her to be happy. He gives SS a key to the penthouse to give to B and BN afterwards.
Flashback—YJL calls home from jail. CC wants her to stop rebelling. SC says YJL will stay with her and not go home.
Present day, JL catches Granny on her way out and makes her hug. They love each other. They hug awkwardly.
OMG, BN needs to stop beginning his dialogue with “hey.” He feels that B is sad. She is! She feels like everything is ending and that the present moment is already the past. They dance and hug tightly. BN stares at the air weirdly, perhaps realizing that the end is near for them.
SS finds B on the stairs outside. BN and she broke up. That was quick. SS had fun making up with DD. They two of them think that they raised each other. They’ve gone through everything together. Like best friends. Like sisters.