Gossip Girl, Season 2, Episode 24: The Goodbye Gossip Girl

I. Love. You. Too.

Highlights:  The kiddies graduate from high school, except for KleptoJenny and SuicidalEric, and including DownerDan even though his name isn’t in the graduation program—heeeheeheeeheeeHAHAHAHAHAAAA

 

SluttySerena has long been the topic for Gossip Girl and her arrest is no different.  Blair says that GossipGirl won’t follow them to college.  SS hasn’t told Chuck that B ended things with BoringNate.

 

LongLostVanessa creepily records BN who’s starting his stint at the mayor’s office soon.  He apologizes to LLV for how he left her for B.  She’s going to NYU after backpacking.  He says, “Hey, stop by my party.”  STOP IT WITH THE HEY.  DownerDan overhears and is all, Can I come Can I come?

 

KleptoJenny is dressed for a black tie affair at graduation.  The Chickadees are searching for the next queen and tell her the gal with the best gossip will win.  B disapproves of their headbands and claims that only she can choose who’s next to reign.  The Chickadees insist they will choose, not B, at BN’s party later.  They may choose Emma, the girl B babysat for not even a year ago.  What the?

 

SS finds DD in the courtyard at school and asks why he’s all alone.  Umm, because he has no friends and is a tool?  His name has been left out of the program.  Hahahhahaaa.

 

B and C meet up and it’s torturous.  She can’t bring herself to tell him that she broke up with BN.

 

RockinRufus sits right next to JudgyLily at graduation because it’s not like there are a bunch of other rows to sit in, including the one behind her.  Instead, PapaCy and NastyMom slide in there and urge the two of them to get married soon.

 

Why can’t SS wear a graduation cap like everyone else?

 

Everyone gets a blast from Gossip Girl at the ceremony: BN is the class whore; DD is the ultimate insider; Chuck is a coward; Blair is a weakling; SS is officially irrelevant.

 

That about sums it all up.

 

SS wants to stop Gossip Girl but the Chickadees don’t want to be involved.  B, BN, and C will try to help SS find out who GG is.

 

RR apologizes to JL for “before.”  She doesn’t know which “before” he means and doesn’t understand why her secretly giving him money was a problem.

 

BN tells his grandfather about his affair with the Duchess last summer.  Gramps says he’ll protect BN.  C asks BN if he’s seen BN’s girlfriend.  BN tells C that B broke up with him.

 

SS asks DD what GG meant about him being the insider.  DD is already above high school.  SS says that they’re still friends.  DD is like, No there’s no point to our friendship.

 

The four members of the Nancy Drew Crew use their deduction skills to figure out who GG is.  They check out Facebook to help them.  C distracts everyone at the party into being quiet while SS sends a text to GG so they can see who receives the text.  Umm, why didn’t they come up with this plan in the very first episode? 

 

Johnathan’s cell phone goes off. SE’s boyfriend is Gossip Girl!

 

No, not really.  He hacked into her server when he was bored.  He and SE have been getting all the messages she’s been getting.  She’s got em stockpiled to send out when they can hurt people most.  KJ finds one on B that would surely make her queen with the Chickadees.

 

RR plays his poor guitar at the Poor House when DD decides to go to a movie instead of going to BN’s party because he’s already so over high school.  Man, graduation made him even more of a tool.  RR insists he go to the party.  He does and then JL arrives with beer and pot that she stole from C.

 

Party Time!  NellyYuki is beyond drunk and tries to tell DD she loves him (maybe) but then sees SS and runs away.  KJ finds B to tell her that GG knows about New Years.  B refuses to believe that the Chickadees don’t bow to her anymore.  KJ decides to use the info to be queen.

 

Once again, B and C are alone in a room, loving each other but not admitting to it.  She strips off her clothes.  He gets to the “I” part but the “love you” is interrupted by another GG blast.  Seriously?  Torture.

 

GG tells them to blame SS for forcing her to drop all her gossip at once:  ChildTeacher skipped town because DD slept with her during the play; KJ had topless photos taken of her and BN kissed her right afterwards; DD was in jail; B slept with C’s uncle; C slept with “that girl from Brooklyn.”

 

C and B blame SS, as GG told them to.  BN and DD stand up for SS.  B says that GG was right about at least one person:  DD.  He is the insider, and while he pretends to be so different, he’s exactly like them to the bone.

 

B corners C to talk about their love.  Again.  She thinks GG as right about him being a coward but she refuses to be weak.  She says, “Chuck Bass, I love you . . .I know you love me too.”  He takes her wrists and pulls her hands away from his face.  He says that was true.  He walks out.  She sheds that single tear reserved for these C situations.  TORTURE!

 

In the Poor House, JL and RR reminisce about how they used to be.  He gives her a paper bracelet, the kind you wear at concerts, in lieu of an engagement ring.  She will accept him as her fifth husband.

 

BN finds SS and says, “Hey.”  I shit you not.  SS wants to fix the mess she started tonight.  She wants GG to meet her at the bar in an hour.  She threatens to reveal who GG is if she doesn’t show, yet SS doesn’t know who GG is.

 

B finds KJ in the bathroom to tell her that C doesn’t love her anymore and she can use that gossip to be queen.  KJ doesn’t want the gossip.  B says you need to be cool to be queen and you can make people fear you rather than love you, which is why she deems KJ the next queen.

 

DD shows up at the bar where SS and BN are waiting for GG.  No, he’s not GG.  He basically stalked SS. She doesn’t want to be irrelevant.

 

B walks in.  KJ walks in.  They received text to come there.  Then the entire graduating class shows up, all having received the same text.  Then they get another GG blast.  GG says that they are all GG and they should remain friends.  She plans to follow them to college.

 

SS asks B where C is.  B says it’s over once and for all.  He’s outside, looking in through a window.  But then he walks away.

 

A week later, JL has a ring.  SE is excited to have RR’s waffle maker in his kitchen.  SS and B have found out from GG that C is in Europe.  B gives SS a framed version of SS’s mugshot.  SS is going to Europe.  B wants to stay in one place.

 

In a downtown coffee shop, DD tells LLV he misses high school.  BN arrives, slumming it once more, and says that the deputy mayor was hitting on him so he wants to go backpacking instead.  LLV says that she already found a replacement for BN on the trip and points to a random guy who’s reading behind her.  BN begs to go.  She decides he can.

 

The Chickadees try to give Emma the queen tiara.  B stops them because KJ dropped a crapload of gossip about them all.  Since RR is marrying JL, KJ is now richer than all of them.  That combination makes her queen.

 

RandomReaderBoy calls him mom and says he’s going to like NYU.  Then he reads about RR and JL in a newspaper as he stares at DD.

 

DD gets a call from Georgina.  She says he should check his accounts because all his money is back.  He says that he’s already going to NYU.  That means he can’t take his money back? 

 

Then G tells the housing office that she wants to room with Blair at NYU next semester because they’re good friends.  (As if B won’t be notified beforehand?)

 

Carter Baysin finds SS on the street.  He’s back from Dubai.  He tells her that he found what she’d been looking for when they were in Santorini—her father.

 

C is waiting for B with flowers at her limo.  He went abroad to buy her macaroons.  She can’t believe him because he’s hurt her too much.  He says that this time she can believe him.  She doesn’t want to.  Then he holds her.  He says, “I love you, too.”

 

Omigod!  I love you, too!!!!!

 

And now, as the kiddies go off to college, my recapping comes to an end.  I know, Gossip Girl plans to follow them, but things just aren’t the same in college life.  Sigh. 

It’s been wild.  You know you love my recaps.  XOXO.

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