Gossip Girl, Season 2, Episode 13: Oh Brother Where Bart Thou?

Bye  Bye Father Slime

 

Highlights:  The paler ChuckSlime gets, the darker his soul, and the sexier he becomes.  So.  Very.  Sexy.  And nothing else matters.  Aside from SluttySerena becoming as toolish if not more than DownerDan and UberPretentiousAaron when she screams at Chuck during his own father’s funeral.  Yeah, that happens.

 

FatherSlime, AKA Bart Bass, is dead.  Everyone at the van der Woodsen / Bass residence is wearing black except for SuicidalEric who’s in hospital attire.  Granny is drunk.  SluttySerena is in a sexy slip.  They think JudgyLily is mourning by making lists and possibly moving into The Palace with ChuckSlime.  She wants comfort food, not a tuna tower, so she goes for a walk to get away from the hot kitchen.

 

Blair and PapaCy are eating breakfast in awkward silence.  NastyMom likes the picture of FatherSlime in the paper.  Blair laments that CS won’t answer his phone.  PC encourages B to eat more, more, more.  Ah, what a refreshing change from NM urging her to puke even on an empty stomach.  B’s appalled that NM is talking about her honeymoon, but PC explains that in death there’s life, or something to that affect.

 

DownerDan arrives at SS’s to check on her while she wears excessive jewelry around her neck.  She thanks him for being a rock since FS passed away.  Does anyone really say that?  “Thanks for being a rock”?  They both think it feels natural that he’s around to be a rock.  Again, rock?  Tool, yes.  Rock?  Sounds stupid. 

 

UPA arrives at SS’s to check on her while she wears excessive jewelry around her neck.  Do you see a pattern developing?  She tells them that she’s going to the funeral with her family. She will meet them both there.  What is this, prom?  Like they’re silently fighting over who gets to take her to the graveyard?

 

RockinRufus is apparently JL’s idea of comfort food.  She meets him in the park for a walk.  She feels guilty about FS’s dying.  He tells her not to blame herself and that it’s okay.  She has a voicemail from FS but hasn’t listened to it yet.  RR says he’ll listen.  Sure, and then he’ll erase it before JL gets to hear it a la LongLostVanessa’s slick move with BoringNate’s letter to KleptoJenny.  Then RR vows to wait for JL anywhere from six months to six years.  As they chat it out, Granny, who has followed JL, watches.

 

ChuckSlime looks strung out and evil.   Oh, man, I’m feeling that in my tinglies.  You know, I’m tired of calling him ChuckSlime.  He’s taken his angst and highjinx to a new level this season.  Chuck is now Chuck.  Simply Chuck.  Chuck meets the private dick and bargains for the info that FatherSlime had wanted when they got into the accident.  Wait a second.  Was the detective in the car with FS when he was in the fatal accident?  Because the detective doesn’t have a scratch on him.  Anyway, Chuck says that his father is dead because of JudgyLily.  He goes to bury his father.  Is it wrong that grief is sexy?

 

JL listens to the voicemail: FS didn’t even care that she was going behind his back to talk to RR; FS knew why JL was in the hospital in France.  Dun dun DUN!!!

 

DD and UPA wait on the church steps for SS.  Both get texts from SS and they bicker about why UPA got his second.  The van der Woodsen limo arrives and SS hugs DD first.  SE finds KJ who appeared out of nowhere and asks if she’s seen Jonathan because even though they’re not together, he was hoping he’d be there.

 

Granny asks JL if RR will be making an appearance since his kids are there.  Then she says she saw JL with RR in the park.  Because she’s a stalker mom.

 

Chuck is drunk on alcohol, madness, and bloodlust.  B and BoringNate are holding him up and B is instructing him to lift his knees and move foward.  BN thinks C showing up is a bad idea, but B insists that he needs to show up at his father’s funeral.  She offers to make C throw up.

 

JL thanks DD for being at the funeral.  Then from over the hilly graveyard comes Chuck, flipping out.  He bellows, What are you doing here?  DD immediately gets high and mighty, catching an attitude with the boy whose father has passed.  B explains that Chuck is loaded.  SS jumps in to defend DD, saying that DD has been more helpful these past few days than Chuck has.  What the?  See?  T. O. O. L. Granny says that Chuck doesn’t have to make sense today.  Not often do I agree with Granny; here, she’s right.  JL tells C he needs to be with his family.  C says, I have no family.  Mmmmm, he’s so pale and disheveled.  Mmmmmm.

 

In the poor part of town, RR strums his guitar, beginning the long six month to six year wait for JL.  DD comes home, reporting that he was kicked out of the funeral.  Chuck said that DD’s father killed C’s father.  DD wonders if RR thought of going to the funeral.  RR says that wouldn’t be okay.  Then DD says he and SS are friends only even thought they’ve been hanging out a lot lately.  RR says good and DD over-analyzes and questions why his being just friends with SS is so good for RR.  Of course, RR is looking at the big picture of six months to six years, and does not want step-siblings hooking up because that would be step-incest and JL might judge that and dump him again.

 

B and BN try to make C eat at the funeral. Actually, B is the one trying to help while BN stands by all pretty and quiet.  C leaves and BN says B is maternal.  She says she’s been hanging out with PapaCy too much and is turning Jewish.  Heh heh. 

 

PapaCy tells NM that funerals make him think of death too much.  He wants to get married tomorrow instead of waiting.  B buts in and says no way because she was all for their marriage only if she’s away at college and not involved.  NM thinks it’s romantic.  KJ comes out of nowhere again and offers to make NM a wedding dress by 7 AM because she owes her an all-nighter and wants to make amends.  Really?  As much as KJ was wrong in turning her back on everyone, she really doesn’t owe NM anything considering NM took credit for KJ’s designs. 

 

UPA wants SS to go to Buenos Aires with him for the holidays.  She needs to take care of her family.  UPA thinks she wants to stay for DD.  He says that trip is his gift to her and her coming can be her gift to him.  She says, But I bought you a book.  HIL. AIR. EEE. US!  That?  Was awesome.  I bought you a plane ticket so you bought me a book.  Classic.  She’s left to think about it.

 

Granny pulls JL aside to ask what Chuck knows about JL and RR.  JL says that Chuck has already told what he knows.  Granny insists that JL go find Chuck.  Then Granny gets a call, gets mean, and goes downstairs to meet someone.

 

Jonathan shows up to talk to SE.  Aww, young love.

 

Chuck is tearing through files, looking more and more like a neurotic vampire.  He tells JL she should be worried.  He refuses to look at her because she disgusts him because she disrespected the family by hanging out with RR the poor man.  She blames Chuck for making his father get in the car and for meddling.  He says the blood is on her hands so she smacks him across the face to show that her hands have no blood at all.  She immediately apologizes.  He says when he gets his money, he’ll disappear.

 

Chuck goes to leave downstairs, and SE tries to stop him.  SE says that he’s buried his step-father and doesn’t want to lose his brother.  Chuck says, We’re not brothers.  Oh.  Knife to my heart.  That’s so sad because Chuck was the only one who treated SE like a person when SE was still suicidal and just came out.  They really were brothers and their relationship has been so endearing.  So sad!

 

Chuck heads out and B follows even though BN tells her not to.  The writers have really made BoringNate out to be a really bad friend in times of need.  Sure, he’s there, but he’s not doing anything. 

 

Granny tells JL that she found out that the super secret about JL is in enemy hands and they should sell the info to the highest bidder.  JL thinks it’s the worst time to let the super secret come out.  Granny says it’s the best time to reveal the super secret.

 

B finds C on the street and wants to go with him.  She wants to be there for him.  He tells her she’s not his girlfriend.  She says that he’s him and she’s her.  Then she says—and she must be reading my recaps to say this—they are ChuckAndBlair, BlairAndChuck.  She will stand by him through anything.  He asks why and she says, Because I love you.  Oh. My. God.  SHE SAID IT!  She said I LOVE YOU.  He says, That’s too bad, and leaves in the limo.  Nooooooo!

 

SS tells DD that UPA invited her to Buenos Aires.  I have no idea where they are or why they’re walking in the rain.  He says she should pack a bikini.  She goes back to the conversation they never finished at the Snowflake Ball and how neither of them wound up sleeping with the UberTools.  She wants him to tell her not to go with UPA, but DD refuses to tell her what she should do. Then he mumbles really quickly and leaves.

 

At home, PapaCy tells B that they are family.  She says that C is as soulless as ever even after she admitted she loves him.  Then she cries.  PC says that C needs time.  They hug.  Then B asks for more hugging.  Finally, B has a parent who treats her lovingly.

 

Granny haunts JL some more, asking what JL’s going to do about loving RR.  JL has tried to fight it, but she can’t stop loving him.  SS overhears, realizes why C was so upset.  Then for no apparent reason, she points out that FatherSlime is dead.  JL reminds her that she stopped being with RR so SS could be with DD.  SS says that UPA asked her to go to Buenos Aires and she’s going to go…if that’s okay with JL.  Nice way of sort of asking permission.  JL is happy to let her go off to a foreign land with someone she barely knows.  SS tells JL to be with RR.

 

DD finds KJ in her room at the Poor House.  She’s steaming NM’s outfit.  She tells DD that if he plays the game, he’ll get the girl.  She orders him to carry the garment bag so that he can come along to NM’s wedding and see SS there.

 

JL calls RR to ask him to go away for the holidays since the kids are all away somewhere.  Wait a minute.  Where’s SuicidalEric going to be?  The Humphrey kids are going to their mom’s and SS is going abroad, but what about SE?  Nice one, JL.  And nice not to care about C, even though he hates you.  Such a bad parent.  RR can’t wait six months to six years, so he agrees to go with JL.

 

The private dick brings C the super secret information because C is the only bidder.  Granny told the detective that she was going public with the info, but he doesn’t believe it.  C doesn’t know if he should buy the info if it’s going to be public anyway.  Private Dick tells him to make a wise decision since he’s going to be the richest kid in New York.

 

At the Waldorf house before the wedding, SS tells UPA she’s going away with him.  KJ and DD arrive.  DD says he carried the garment bag—an OBVIOUS reference to Dirty Dancing’s Baby saying she carried a watermelon.  UPA checks on PC.  DD tells SS he doesn’t want her to go with UPA.  She says that JL and RR are in love and she can’t ask JL to stop loving RR a second time when things between SS and DD never work out.  Then B interrupts to get SS’s fashion advice.  SS hugs DD and says she’ll be in touch post-holiday.

 

Chuck meets with JL, saying he can’t believe she’s going to go public with her super secret.  She says it’s Granny’s decision.  He says Granny lied.  She begs him not to turn his back on the people FatherSlime didn’t trust.

 

NM and PC get married.  UPA and SS hold hands at the ceremony.  B tears up.  Servant Lady smiles and gets teary eyed.

 

MUSICAL MONTAGE!  The wedding ends with laughter and clapping. DD walks the streets depressed and brooding.  Chuck burns the super secret info.  JL removes her ring.  RR wears a too-tight turtleneck as he packs his guitar .  B laughs as champagne is poured.  PC toasts to the Waldorf-Rosens.  B finds C in her room and snaps at him for a second but he’s completely broken so she cradles him and he falls into her and he’s so lost.  Swooooon.

 

RR busily scribbles a note at home.  No doubt, this is how he’s informing his children about his going away for the holidays and have a good Christmas and all without making sure they get to their mom’s or anything.

 

ETA: I was right about the note.  Upon pausing my DVR, I could see what it said.  It’s written in that dad-like all-caps handwriting except for when he’s writing the closing.

 

Dear Dan and Jenny,

I’m going out of town for a few days.  Don’t worry–it’s all good and when I return hopefully we’ll have lots to talk about.  Your mom is expecting you tomorrow and is going to pick you up at the train.

Have a great holiday.

Love you gu

 

This?  Is bad parenting.  Don’t worry it’s all good?  What middle-aged man says that?  Certainly not one who wears too-tight turtlenecks (although I have to admit he is a hottie).  Have a great holiday?  Like he has to be politically correct towards his children.  Dude, it’s okay to say Merry Christmas when you know your offspring don’t bask in the glow of Kwanzaa candles.

 

Granny arrives in Poor Brooklyn.  She wants JL to be happy.  He doesn’t want Granny to come between him and JL.  Granny says the problem is that JL’s in love with RR and they can never be together if JL holds onto her super secret.

 

UPA decides that the first time he and SS sleep together will be on the airplane.  They cuddle in the limo with a neck pillow.

 

RR broods in the dark Poor House when DD arrives home from his brooding walk.  DD sarcastically thanks RR for not telling him that RR and JL are in love again.  RR says that SS doesn’t know what she’s talking about and that the note and the packing mean nothing because RR isn’t going anywhere.

 

DD calls SS.  She doesn’t want to answer the phone in front of UPA.  He says she can because he knows she still has some feelings for DD and he wants her to work them out because UPA is falling in love with her.  She ignores the call and macks it with UPA.  Omigod, she fell for that.  The only reason he said that was so she wouldn’t answer the phone.

 

ANOTHER MUSICAL MONTAGE!  UPA and SS mack it.  B and C spoon on her bed.  JL waits in Grand Central with her bags for RR.

 

RR arrives in Grand Central with an angry frown.  He storms up to JL and says: Tell me one thing—was it a boy or a girl?  That’s it?  She was pregnant and got an abortion, no doubt forced to by Granny? That’s the super secret?  I was hoping she was a hermaphrodite or something.

 

Back to B’s house.  She’s now alone with only a note:

 

I’m sorry for everything.

 

You deserve much better.

 

Don’t come looking for me.

 

Chuck

 

Nooooooooooooo.  Not my ChuckAndBlair!!!!!!!!!

Gossip Girl, Season 2, Episode 11: The Magnificent Archibalds

Thank Goodness For Poverty

Highlights: The Captain goes felonious; Suicidal Eric learns the truth about judgment; LongLostVanessa and KleptoJenny make up, and so do BoringNate and ChuckSlime

 

Thanksgiving again!  We don’t have any flashbacks like last Thanksgiving.   Instead, GG is equating the destruction of an entire native culture with Blair’s need to move because of PapaCyrus.  B wants to have a perfect Thanksgiving this year even though GayDaddy isn’t coming.  SluttySerena tells her she can come but only for a while because UberPretentiousAaron, her non-boyfriend, is meeting the van-der-Woodsen-Bass clan.  B thinks that SS doesn’t like him since she’s showing him off.  SS doesn’t want to date anyone else, which is typical of girls who are dating boys who don’t want to be exclusive.

 

DownerDan shows up at school looking for KleptoJenny.  RockinRufus can’t find her anywhere.  SS says KJ has been spending time with SuicidalEric.  He tells SS to have a happy Thanksgiving.

 

Then BoringNate accidentally (wink wink) bumps into DD in the hallway.  Oh, to touch the ex-boyfriend but only for a second more.  ChuckSlime runs into BN but BN wants to brush him off, still distraught over losing all the loves of his life in one fell swoop.  The lesson here is clear: Don’t get yourself involved in a love rhombus.  BN chooses slumming over CS.

 

KJ and SE are finding out about how to divorce your parents.  KJ is surprised to hear that her parents will be notified.  The woman in charge explains it: They need to know you no longer want to be their child.  Heh heh.  Only one polysyllabic word in that explanation.

 

LongLostVanessa tells DD that she’s going to watch a German film and eat frozen turkey on Thanksgiving.  DD invites her to stay at the Poor House for the holiday but she doesn’t want to see KJ.  He says that KJ will be a no show.  LLV thinks KJ is having Thanksgiving with BN, but DD explains that BN doesn’t talk to KJ anymore.  RR comes in babbling about Tokyo, SketchyAgnes, and KJ.  He wants to call the cops.  DD says that KJ is with SE.  RR immediately calls JudgyLily and asks to speak to KJ.  JL says that KJ isn’t there.  RR says she’s been staying with SE.  Then JL finds KJ’s sewing machine which really isn’t all that hidden.

 

BoringMom is dragging BN through a hotel, telling him they’ve run out of options.  Then they drop in to Captain Ahab, who’s been in hiding.  His disguise: weird, old man facial peach fuzz and a fluffy sweater in lieu of a suit.  BN is angry that he’s been squatting while Captain Crunch has been livin’ it up in the Caribbean.  Captain wants them all to move to Domenica and they leave the decision up to BN.  Because once again, children should make adult decisions.  Then again, in reviewing the track record here, BN probably is the best qualified.

 

Speaking of bad parenting, RR and JL are taking a stroll along the water and the cold doesn’t seem to be affecting them even though it’s November in NYC (then again, RR walked from Brooklyn to the Upper East Side in a sweater while it was snowing, so it’s fitting). JL didn’t know that KJ was living at her place until today.  JL insists that she mediate between RR and KJ and that KJ stay with the van-der-Woodsen-Bass Clan for Thanksgiving because they are a family.  RR tells her to give KJ marshmallows. 

 

SS calls B and tells her that UPA is probably out with a girl.  B is baking. SS wants to make new traditions.

 

SE finds FatherSlime home early.  SE texts KJ not to come up and tells FS that things may not work out with Jonathan.  FS thinks Jonathan is schtupping the swim team captain.  SE finds CS to ask why FS would say that.  CS explains that FS has a dossier on everyone in the world.

 

SS is impressed with UPA’s romantic dinner.  He says she’s all he thinks of, especially when he’s hittin’ up other girls.  He’s now a one-woman man, most likely out of convenience.  She’s overjoyed and wants champagne.  He explains that he’s sober.  She says she used to party, but now she’s stone cold.  Because she changes who she is to be with the boy she likes.

 

FS and JL catch SE on his way out.  She calls him out on the whole KJ living there in hiding situation.

 

B finds PapaCy in the kitchen, eating her pie, and critiquing it.  She asks NastyMom why she’s letting PC ruin everything.  Heh heh. I love hyperbole.  NM says that PC made reservations at B’s favorite restaurant and B needs to get with the program.  B complains to Servant Lady.  SL shows B a ring that PC proposed to NM with and says that they’re going to tell everyone at Thanksgiving dinner.

 

JL tells KJ that she saw RR and they need to work things out because RR loves her.  KJ thanks her and goes to bed.  I don’t know how KJ suddenly goes deaf or beams herself out of earshot so quickly, but JL calls after her and she doesn’t hear.  So JL does what any normal person would do; she goes through KJ’s bag.  She finds the emancipation papers.

 

RR and DD are food shopping for Thanksgiving, which apparently not a busy holiday from the looks of the store.  DD tells RR he should actually tell KJ that he misses her.  They bump into UPA who lives around the corner, whom they’ve never bumped into before, and he says he’s picking up food for [dramatic pause].  DD says that he can hear her name. 

 

Now it’s a Convergence of All Things Tool as DD wants UPA to say hi to SS for him and then babbles on about FS and RR and JL and how it’s so complicated even though it was a full year ago and SS doesn’t like cheese and suggests wine.  UPA says that SS no longer drinks so DD sees that as a reason to bring up SS’s alcoholic binge when Georgina/Sara was in town.  Man, now I don’t know who’s douchier.

 

B complains to NM about not wanting to hear “the news” but NM refuses to admit to any “news” on the horizon.  B decides not to go to dinner.

 

BN bumps into LLV at the Poor Gallery and Café where she plans to get some paperwork done.  He’s dropping off The Pixies Boxset (really?  really) and he wrote a thank you note to RR, no doubt in girly handwriting.  He can’t take it to the Poor House because of the awkward aftermath of the love rhombus fallout.  He says that he’s alienated everyone he knows and tells LLV to take care.

 

SS barges into CS’s room fro a word and he tells her to hike up her dress.  No, it’s not a date rape moment, yet.  She wants him to promise not to tell UPA anything about her because she wants it to come out naturally.  CS could care less and goes to FS’s study.  UPA arrives miserable about the Georgina news and SS stumbles over her words to cover until she simply calls DD a liar and jealous.  Now she’s the tool.  The three of them deserve each other.

 

JL calls RR to order him to walk from Brooklyn to the Upper East Side again.  RR tells DD to tell LLV not to come because Thanksgiving is canceled.

 

LLV gets stopped on the street near the Poor Gallery.  Some guy wants to talk to her about BN.

 

CS and SE are opening FS’s safe.  Gold bars and files are inside.  LLV calls CS to tell him that BN’s in trouble with the FBI.  CS decides reluctantly to help and leaves SE to the files. 

 

B walks along with SL, scolding her that there’s nothing to be thankful for.  SL wants to feed the ducks.

 

JL tries to force SS to drink and SS reminds her that she’s only 17.  Good parenting.  Then UPA talks to JL about all the paintings in the house. 

 

SE is freaking out to KJ about the FS’s dossier on him.  KJ asks about SS’s and JL’s files.  Then she calls him “E.”  Since when is that his nickname? She can’t find her emancipation papers anywhere.  DD shows up and UPA asks why he lied about SS.

 

JL shows RR the emancipation papers. KJ catches them looking at her papers and is not too happy about it.

 

DD and UPA show up in SS’s room to confront her about who lied to whom.  DD lies and says that he lied to UPA and UPA says, That’s not cool man.  Omigod, I hate them all. Then UPA leaves and DD reminds her that the truth always comes out. In walks SE with everyone’s files of truth.

 

BN arrives at the Poor Gallery again to meet up with LLV, CS, and the FBI guy. They tell him that Oh Captain My Captain has been planning a kidnapping to get ransom money to live on and that he and his mom are the kidnappees.  BN is on the verge of tears.  CS says that the only way to end it is to turn the Captain and Tenille in.

 

KJ babbles about burned dresses.  RR says he misses KJ and is willing to let her go to get her back because he won’t stop loving her.  Um, NO NO NO NO NO.  Be a parent, dammit! She probably won’t be granted emancipation anyway since there’s really no neglect.  At least not until recently when RR gave up and turned to his guitar for solace.  She thinks he’s giving her a guilt trip and leaves.

 

JL confronts FS about the dossiers.  He wants to protect them all.  JL thinks it shows a lack of trust.  She drags her kids away because he’s not for family.

 

BN arrives at the Captain’s place to say that he knows about the kidnapping plan and loves him but can’t respect him.  He gives the Captain the option to get some sack and turn himself in or run away.  BN refuses to live in a mess. 

 

JL brings SE to a restaurant.  SS has gone off with her own file.  SE says he read JL’s file.  He can’t believe she didn’t tell him she was in an institution when she was 19 and that her telling him would have helped him when he was in the institution.  Let me say that again: JUDGY LILY WAS INSTITUTIONALIZED WHEN SHE WAS 19.  SE becomes the parent as usual and tells her she can talk about it when she’s comfortable with it. 

 

SS arrives at B’s dinner while B isn’t there.  She gives the file to UPA and says that DD didn’t lie and UPA can read all about SS’s indiscretions.  Then he can decide if he wants to be with her.  Then she tells NM where B is after texting her.

 

KJ bumps into B and SL on the street.  They both complain about their parents.  B says that RR will go anywhere for KJ and NM won’t do the same.  Then NM shows up, gives KJ a scarf, and tells B to come home to show her something.  They bring KJ home too.

 

Captain Kirk kisses BMom and hugs BN.  He turns himself in.  BMom cries.  BN whimpers.  Then they magically transport themselves to their condemned abandoned house where LLV and CS somehow know they’ll be.  They’re still squatting but now that Captain is no longer on the lam, they have their assets back.    BN tells LLV he hasn’t heard from KJ so now he’s available for her again.  Didn’t it not work out the first time because she lived in Brooklyn and it had nothing to do with KJ?  Nothing’s changed so why would it work now?  CS tells BN they’re going to go get drunk.

 

B comes home and finds GayDaddy there.  That’s the big surprise.  B thought NM and PC were getting engaged.  NM explains that she wanted GayD’s approval first because PC would be the step-dad for his daughter. 

 

RR and DD arrive at the Poor House and find KJ already there.  She loves RR too and wants to be part of the Poor Humphreys.  They all hug each other at once. Suddenly, it’s The Waltons.

 

UPA arrives at SS’s bedroom and doesn’t want to read the dossier.  He wants to hear it all from her in time.

 

JL comes over to the Poor House with SE to have dinner because that’s where real families go because only the poverty-stricken know what it’s like to really have to be thankful.  LLV arrives too.  She and KJ have an awkward moment, but now that LLV secretly has BN back, everyone can be friends again.  Hooray!  DD gives KJ her mail but RR pulls her away to eat marshmallows first.  On top of the stack of mail is BN’s letter, waiting to be read.

 

GG is thankful for a lot this year:

 

Rekindling old friendships, like CS and BN drinking in the limo.  Aww, it’s good to see the boyfriends together again.

 

New relationships of the tool variety like SS and UPA.

 

How close we get by being ourselves, like Gay Daddy finally being gay.

 

How you can always go home again, no matter how poor your home is.

 

Now FS wants to find out why JL was institutionalized and he makes a phone call to find out. 

 

LLV goes to call her parents.  She finds BN’s letter.  She reads it.  BN declares his caring for KJ.  LLV does what any good friend and confident would do to someone who is part of a family that has taken her in for the holidays—she gets rid of the letter immediately, thinking, Boring Nate is mine, bitch, mine mine mine!